you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
