my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
