It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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