I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
