i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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