Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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