don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
