don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
