Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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