1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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