You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
