I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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