Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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