I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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