If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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