the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
