I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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