peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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