so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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