So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently you make a good broom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
