Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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