You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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