So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
