Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
