she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm both gender and math confused
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
