you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
