you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
