Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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