i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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