As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
