I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
