May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
