Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
