Just cropdusted the office
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
