you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
