her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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