How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I just put wine in my tea
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
