she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We left the knife in your bed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
