Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
