he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
