I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
