maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
