I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
