just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
