Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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