i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
