Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I did not marry a roomba.
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