I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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