So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
