I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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