He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
