i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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