Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
