i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
