Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
