I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
